Growing up
Iwas raised in a tiny village in Canada. My entrepreneurial father established a thriving marina and recreational business, and my mother was a self-trained accountant. We were well known in the community; my dad was the disciplinarian, my mom the supportive listener.
I was born the middle child. Feisty, spirited, independent, carefree, and social. As a young girl, I already loved to get people together. At the cottage in the summertime, I would gather the neighboring kids and coordinate plays and fashion shows. The cottage is where I have my fondest memories—swimming, boating, skiing, motorcycling, and hanging with friends. In high school, I was generally known as the social convener.
Education and career
I graduated as a Registered Nurse in 1988. Most of my career was at the Ottawa Hospital in Medical, Surgical, and Rehabilitation environments. I was recognized as an overly conscientious high achieving RN. In 2002 I entered into the Clinical Research Field as a Registered Nurse Research Coordinator. I advanced to the Program Manager.
In 2012 the next Research position in the hospital held more responsibility, pressures, and deadlines. Along with coordinating academic and pharmaceutical studies, I also trained junior staff and taught venipuncture to non-regulated staff. In 2016 I moved into a hospital case manager position and then into the community in 2017. In 2018 I resigned from the Nursing Profession after 30 years working full time.
Personal History
My husband and I met in 1986, and we married in 1989. Six months after we got married, at the age of 23, my mother was killed in a car accident. She was 47. I was not that joyful, cheerful spirit I once was for about 2 years because of the intense grief I went through. I sought counseling was told by my Psychologist that what I was going through was normal and expected. Tragic grief resurfaces at any time, or maybe that’s true of any grief dependant on the relationship and the love that was lost.
I think of her every day and miss her most when I go through challenges. It saddens me that she didn’t get the opportunity to meet our two wonderful daughters. Our girls are currently 26 and 29, and I couldn’t be more proud of the capable young women they are today.
Health History
In 2012 at the age of 46, I experienced some health issues; I owed it to stress. I was overwhelmed with an unmanageable workload and expressed this vocally to my management, but it was dismissed. I was told I was doing an incredible job and not to worry so much. I began searching for other jobs. It wasn’t until 2016 that I changed jobs. The new job had an incredible learning curve and as much or even more stress. Inside I was worrying more, sleeping less, and socializing almost nil. I was consumed.
Much of the work could be done by computer, so I would continue working into the evening after returning home. I had no downtime, was not exercising, did not have much of an appetite, and was now having severe insomnia. I knew I was experiencing anxiety, unlike anything I had ever felt before. I had lost confidence in myself, my mind wasn’t processing as efficiently, and I knew something was seriously wrong. In 2018 I had my first panic attack at work.
My vision became blurred, my hands trembled and went numb, I could not stop crying. I had severe chest pain, and my heart was palpitating. I left to see my GP. The same GP that had known me since I was in my 20’s and saw this as out of character took me off work immediately. I had cardiac testing and blood work. We knew I was under immense stress and so she advised me to take time off. The cardiac testing was regular, the lab work showed Thyroid deficiency. The Hormone panel showed that I was not yet in Menopause, so she opted against Hormone replacement.
I was prescribed antidepressants, thyroid, and sleeping medication. Three months later, I resigned from my job, three years before planned retirement. I knew I needed to focus on restoring my health, so I began therapy for what was believed to be professional burnout. I started meditation, exercised daily, gravitated to activities in nature like cycling, kayaking, hiking, skating, and skiing. I focused on improving my diet and sleep. It took over one year to stabilize the thyroid on medication.
After two years off work, I developed even more unusual symptoms. Insomnia got worse, along with night sweats, aching joints, and muscles. The heavy anxiety did not ever completely leave my chest. I knew instinctively that my symptoms were related to hormone changes. In my search to learn more, I discovered that many women like me have been de-railed in life.
