My 7 Secrets for Resilience

Resilience, or grit as it was always called in my family, comes from many sources. I firmly believe that my

magic seven habits are the “spine” of my resilience.  

Be a little rebellious

It makes me smile to think that I was raised to be a good girl. Be agreeable. Be polite. Play by the rules. Yes. I can be all those things and also use my own agency to move outside the lines. I love how that little dash of rebel has let me seize my true identity and show up on my own terms…whether the hem length on my school uniform to the lemon-covered opaque black hose I wore to work when the women’s dress code in my first job required hosiery. Hah! I smile with many memories of little rebellions.

Keep a routine

From the age of 10, I have kept almost the exact same daily waking and sleeping routine. As a young girl, I rose early to fit in a horse ride before school. My alarm would go off at 5:30 am, although my excitement often woke me right on time. By the time I was in high school, I no longer needed to rely on the alarm. And every night from about the same age I turn out my light no later than 10:30 pm, after reading a few pages of my current book. This rhythm has kept my energy balanced for half a century.

Spend time with younger people

My naturally curious nature is fed whenever I spend time with younger people, whether my grandchildren or younger work colleagues or friends.  Using my beginner’s brain to learn new things helps me keep my critical thinking skills sharp. I love the way I am challenged by younger people, especially younger women.  

Read widely

My selection includes pithy essays from the late Christopher Hitchens and the late Dominick Dunne, thought-provoking manuscripts from Charles Handy, and lots of autobiographies. Reading non-fiction gives me access to the diverse thinking and problem-solving experiences of others. I also reach for teen fiction, comics, and breakout novels as my own way to understand the zeitgeist. I want to stay current and be on my toes. To fit all this in I do read every single day. It has a calming and replenishing influence on my energy. 

Try something new once a month

This is a more recent habit (or perhaps more accurately, it is a more recently reintroduced habit because as a young adult I was adventurous, trying new things when the opportunity arose) because during more than a decade in an all-consuming job I didn’t feel I had enough mental and physical capacity to try new things. I regret that it took me a decade to realize that I needed to try new things in order to continue to refine and redefine what I want in my life as I move through life stages. The list of ‘new’ things in 2021 includes writing a blog, learning how to embroider in order to save a favorite shirt for longer life, and cutting my own hair with the help of YouTube (thanks lockdown). I don’t think I will be cutting my hair forever lol. 

Listen with more than my ears

Whether in conversation or in nature, messages are communicated through much more than words or sounds alone. Is someone smiling with their eyes or not? Is there anxiety in the way a friend holds her hands or head while telling me everything is fine? Is a colleague giving a positive update while shoulders are slumped? Is there an unexpected scent in the air? When I focus on ‘whole listening’ engaging all my senses I get a rich picture of what is happening and I can use inquiry in a more effective way to know how I can support or where there is a risk or what I should do. Signals are everywhere however it takes practice to tune in.

Always be kind

It takes maturity and courage to be kind. I acknowledge that it isn’t always easy. When I catch myself in that moment before responding with less than true kindness I have to ask myself what is going on inside me. Why do I feel that pulling someone else down will make me feel good? This is when I hit pause and look inwards. Every relationship benefits when I am kind. Even my relationship with myself.  Unkind words and actions take so much energy and effort to heal. It is better to do no harm.

Grit and grace can exist side-by-side without difficulty, I am learning. I will put on a smile before I walk out the door, or pick up the phone or get on a video call with you because you deserve the best of me. My “magic seven” help me maintain my health, wellness, and mental wellbeing, so I am ready for what life brings my way!