Be Extremely Nice to Yourself This Christmas

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Over the past few weeks I’ve been wondering about the best way to spread Christmas cheer.

Realizing just a few days ago that I might want to reconsider. Cheer can sometimes be overrated, especially during the holiday season when we are bombarded with images and expectations of endless joy that stands in stark contrast to the rather frightening images of our current world situation. The truth is, cheer is just not always feasible, especially in today’s world, where even the simplest tasks can feel like monumental challenges.

And guilt can take over at any moment when there’s too much celebration, or at least that’s how I experience it. The knowledge that there are people not so far from here living in war. With the excess of Christmas, the elaborate dinners where food and drink have no limit, the unnecessary knickknacks like Christmas sweaters and Christmas socks just because something must be bought for my in-law’s, guilt creeps under my skin. I am also very aware of how privileged we are as a family and how everything may be different again next year (a small Covid leftover).

So, this holiday season, I’ve made a personal resolution to steer clear of the pressure to be relentlessly cheerful. This doesn’t mean I’m joining the ranks of the bah-humbuggers; if I adore the glitz and caroling, I can go ahead and immerse myself in the festive spirit. What I’m saying is that it’s not always the right approach for me, considering my mental well-being.

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"Christmas can be an incredibly lonely time for people."

Instead, I’m choosing to embrace the spirit of Christmas kindness, which I’ll aim to spread gently and without imposing on anyone’s space. Christmas can be an incredibly lonely time for people. The constant bombardment of cheeriness on TV, in ads, and all over social media can make it seem like everyone else is basking in joy, while a lot of people are left feeling like a failure for not being as jubilant.

I also experience moments of sadness and emptiness throughout the year, and December is no exception. Those are the remnants of my childhood traumas in which I often felt lonely or alone. The problem is that society tells me I’m not supposed to feel that way during the holidays. And for my family today, my dear friends, I realize every year, despite that gut feeling, how blessed I am.

Yet, I don’t forget that it can be different for many people. I sometimes wonder how people are masking their pain with artificial Christmas cheer in whatever form it may come. However, this approach rarely works. Loneliness, estrangement, self-doubt, and personal demons are only amplified by the holiday glitter.

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How I navigate this emotional minefield each year?

I Set Realistic Expectations: I avoid idealizing the holiday and acknowledge that it’s okay to have moments of sadness or stress.
I Indulge in Self-Care: I prioritize self-care by getting enough rest, eating well, and finding time for activities that bring me joy.
I Reach Out: I connect with loved ones, friends, or support groups if you’re feeling lonely or overwhelmed.
I Set Boundaries: I set healthy boundaries to manage social gatherings and obligations. It’s okay to say “no” when necessary.
I Give Back: I consider volunteering or acts of kindness to boost your own spirits and help others in need.
I Reflect and Express: I keep a journal or talk to a trusted friend or therapist to process my emotions.
I Focus on Meaning: I reconnect with the true meaning of the holidays for me, whether it’s family, gratitude, or spirituality.
I Limit Social Media: I reduce exposure to curated holiday perfection on social media, as it can exacerbate negative feelings and I try to create “Christmas neutral” content.
I Seek Professional Help: If holiday stress becomes overwhelming for you. I never hesitated to reach out to a mental health professional.
I Try To Remember, It’s Okay: It’s okay to have mixed emotions during the holidays. I know I am not alone, and my feelings are valid.

FAQ

Start earlier next year, create a to-do list, delegate tasks, and prioritize self-care. Remember that not everything has to be perfect.

Reach out to friends and family, consider volunteering, join online or community events, or use social media to connect with others.

Set boundaries, practice active listening, and try to focus on positive topics. If needed, take breaks to de-escalate tension.

Consider homemade gifts, set a spending limit for gift exchanges, or suggest alternative ways to celebrate, like a gift-free holiday or a secret Santa.

Plan balanced meals, practice portion control, stay hydrated, and engage in physical activity. Also, have a strategy for politely declining extra servings.