Why Fluidity Is The Key To Meaningful Self-Care

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With four decades of living in my body I feel I know it pretty well. I can tune into signals that tell me when I am hungry, tired, overwhelmed or nervous. I know what helps me to relax and what to eat to make me feel more energised. I know how much sleep I need to feel better than just okay.

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Category

Friends

Date

25/01/2022

Length

7 min read

As a qualified naturopathic nutritionist with three years of study and countless hours of additional training behind me, I also have a solid understanding of biology: the roles certain nutrients play and the bio-chemical processes in the body they influence.

I have supported hundreds of women at different life-stages with issues ranging from premenstrual dysphoric disorder (a severe form of premenstrual syndrome) to endometriosis, fertility, pregnancy and postnatal health as well as perimenopause, anxiety and acne.

So you’d think that my own self-care practices and nutritional habits would be solid, science-based and established. And for the most part, they are. But they are also fluid, intuitive and often in flux. And sometimes they fall by the wayside.

My personal approach to nutrition and self-care today is different to what it was even a couple of years ago, and what I’ve learned translates into my nutrition practice. I’ll explain how.

My story

I grew up in a single-parent family in London in the 1980s with a health-conscious mum who was into naturopathy and organic food. I still remember the distinctive smell of our local health food shop where we’d go to stock up on nuts, carob bars and natural remedies. School packed lunches were made up of carrot sticks and dried fruit. When I had access to ‘forbidden’ crisps and chocolate at friends’ parties I over-indulged. Looking back, I can see this fostered a relationship with food where I saw things in binary terms – ‘good or bad’, ‘all or nothing’.

Fast forward to secondary school when for the first time I had more freedom over my food choices. It was the 90s and trips to the chip-shop and cigarettes at the bus stop were the vibe. I was more concerned with looking waif-like than with the fact that my periods were so excruciating I needed prescription painkillers every month. What I was eating (and smoking) was clearly having an effect. But it never occurred to me that food and my lifestyle choices were contributing to this hormonal hurricane.

The years that followed in my late teens and my early 20s were all about going out. Food was simply fuel and I got all the exercise I needed by dancing until dawn. I continued to suffer with my periods and also developed acne. But I was having fun and I wanted quick fixes. So the contraceptive pill managed my periods and I used a series of increasingly strong medications for my skin.

It wasn’t until my late 20s when I started to make the link between what I ate, my lifestyle choices and the way I felt in my body and mind. Like so many who have made a career change into the health and wellness sphere, the impetus for me was my experience of resolving my own health issues.

At that point in my life I wasn’t partying much any more. Now my lack of sleep and poor diet were the result of a stressful job that consumed my every waking hour. The hormonal imbalances and skin issues continued, and I knew I had to make some changes. I saw a nutritional therapist, felt profound improvements within a few months and was so inspired by what I’d experienced that I decided to get a new, less demanding job and study nutrition part-time.

While I was studying, I veered into what I now recognise as orthorexia – an obsession with eating and living healthily. As I was learning more and more about physiology and pathologies, I became puritanical about everything my body absorbed. My focus on healthy eating grew increasingly restrictive and I returned to my old binary view of foods as ‘good or bad’. While in some ways I was highly functioning, I was also rigid and controlling.

Fast forward to 2022, now with two children and my own nutrition practice. I am in a very different place; my own fluid journey with food and self-care has led me to a greater understanding of my own needs, and greater self-compassion that enables me to prioritise them. Crucially, it’s led me to a place of balance. I eat greens every day and prioritise rest. But I also love dancing, cocktails and coffee. I bring this theory and practice to my work with clients.

Here’s what I’ve learnt:

Your story is the starting point

The fact that we are all individuals goes without saying. But we need to take our own personal story into account when we’re thinking about where we are now – in health and in life.

Telling my own story illustrates how I’ve got to the place I am now. That story – the medications, food habits, stressors and changing life stages, attitudes and beliefs – is something I take into account when I consider my own nutritional and lifestyle needs in the present. With my clients, this means looking back as far as their experience in utero.

Our nutritional and lifestyle needs are as individual and unique as we are.

Embrace the ebb and flow

Life is not static, it’s unpredictable. Things can change in a heartbeat. It can be a grind one moment and soon after can feel effortless and flowing.

This means that sometimes we have the headspace to plan our meals, schedule our exercise and do gua sha daily. And sometimes we operate on autopilot.

Having a baseline of ways you look after yourself which can be adapted for times when you can give more is the key to consistency. For example:

committing to moving every day – whether it’s in a 90 minute yoga practice or a walk around the block.
having strategies to help you unwind that you can use anytime, any-place.
making sure you meet your basic nutritional needs every day.

These can be thought of as the minimum requirements, the non-negotiables. And central to all of this is self-compassion. Don’t beat yourself up if you’re only doing the baseline. Every day brings a new opportunity to do something nourishing for yourself within the context you’re living in.

Consider the life you want to lead

Sometimes we need to really consider what motivates us. How do you want to feel in your body and mind? And what do you want to be able to do in your life?

Maybe your mood swings are impacting on your close relationships, and you need to be able to better regulate your emotions. Maybe your libido has disappeared and you desperately want it back. It could be that you crave the energy to be able to dance all night or take up running. Or you want to take on extra commitments without feeling overwhelmed.

Having real-life goals in mind makes nutrition and lifestyle changes feel less abstract and more meaningful. It gives them a context, which is a great motivator.

Self care is not an indulgence

We need to move away from the idea of self care as a commercialised concept – all bubble baths and scented candles. Self care is about actions we take to look after ourselves so we can do what we need and want to do in our homes, work-places, communities and the wider world. Whether it’s time alone, sleep, good nutrition, fresh air, sensory pleasure, being with friends, (or indeed a bubble bath and a scented candle), self-care isn’t a treat. It’s oxygen for our well-being that allows us to function optimally for ourselves and for others.

In the words of the great African-American feminist poet Audre Lorde ‘Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.’ Seeing self care through this lens places it in a far more radical realm – and something that must not be reserved for those with privilege.

I see self-care as something closely linked to self-compassion. It helps us navigate life’s ebbs and flows and embraces the significance of our personal stories.